Author Phil Williams looks out at crashing waves from the rocks at Playa Cocles, Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica

BEFORE YOU SEE

I wanna tell you a story

A true story about
losing my daughter and what came after…

THE TITLE

Stay with me.

There’s more to the story.

Inspiration
From the Audiobook
Yellow sunflower from the cover of Phil Williams' memoir on losing a child
Yellow sunflower from the cover of Phil Williams' memoir on losing a child
Yellow sunflower from the cover of Phil Williams' memoir on grief and healing

Like most folks, I spent most of my life chasing worldly successes and seeking validation.

Then my daughter died, and ALL I had ever believed came into question.

Losing her broke my world open.

A heavy grief began the process of stripping almost everything away.

But not everything.

Beneath it all, something remained.

Something quiet, something real…

This is not a story about moving on.

It is a story about change.

About being changed.

Themes You'll Discover as the Story Unfolds
Love Fear Loss Hope Friendship Ambition Fatherhood Pain Truth New found Peace Strength

About the Memoir

WHAT COULD LEAD A LITTLE FELLOW TO SET A PUTT-PUTT COURSE ON FIRE
and, years later, host a keg party at his parents’ house during high school (when his father was a prominent pastor in town), only to go on to defy all odds and become perhaps a combination of the smallest and slowest starting wide receiver in major college football history? And how did that youngster eventually become an NFL agent by accident, meet his future wife on a steamy asphalt parking lot with a “Hey, what’s your name?” yelled across that same parking lot by way of introduction, and then have his heart radically transformed by the birth of his first child, Hannah, before raising three more children? And how could this same man possibly handle the news that his beloved daughter was dying? And more so, once she died, would it ever be possible for him to find healing?

JOIN PHIL WILLIAMS ON HIS JOURNEY as he weaves humorous, heartwarming, and intriguing stories from birth until fatherhood, and then walk with him on the most painful path a parent could ever navigate, all of which leads him to what he would call the only journey worth taking: the journey to discover what this life is really all about and who we really are.

IF YOU LIKE STORIES THAT LEAVE YOU SMILING AND CRYING and laughing and anticipating the next one, dig in. But, no matter how much you might anticipate the next story, nothing will prepare you for the climax of this deeply emotional tale of a man and his daughter and the deeper search for meaning and truth.

have a look inside

  • “The best book I have ever read on the process of grief. It is a story of life, death, healing, and the search for truth.”

    – Lisa Natoli, SPIRITUAL TEACHER OF THE HEALING CURE

  • "Thank you Phil Williams for sharing your story so openly and honestly. Written beautifully! It brought me to tears a few times. Anyone wherever they are on the ladder can benefit by reading this wonderful work."

    – Robert A. Schulte, AMAZON REVIEW

  • “Don't let the title deter you. Phil’s book is a gripping read that draws you in from the start, making it nearly impossible to put down."

    – Beatrice Sanders, AMAZON REVIEW

  • “I found myself listening to this book in my car, in my driveway, half an hour after getting home. I couldn’t leave it. Phil’s voice, reading his words, reliving his pain and desperate search for reason … the emotion is visual and contagious.”

    – McShan Walker, ENTREPRENEUR AND FORMER COLLEGIATE BASEBALL PLAYER

  • "This book is a refreshing reminder that suffering is not a punishment or rejection but is paradoxically a divine invitation to transformation & wholeness."

    – Gil Wesley, SPIRITUAL DIRECTOR AND FORMER PASTOR

  • Don't let the title scare you, you aren't going to hell if you read this book lol. If you have lost a loved one and are still grieving, this book is a must read. The author invites you into his personal space and shares how he discovered peace in the middle of extreme despair. This book is not only breathtaking, but will challenge your thoughts on life and death. I read the book while on a 5 day cruise, couldn't put it down."

    – F. Jones, AMAZON REVIEW

Today I begin. 

It is your birthday. 

You would have been thirty-three.

-Phil Williams

Phil Williams' memoir open to the Fatherhood chapter, resting on green grass
Phil Williams' footprints in wet sand as sea foam washes in at Playa Cocles, Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica

Hi, I’m Phil

A storyteller, merging the worlds of “normal” life, grief, spirituality, sports, and more—sometimes with a humorous touch and often with a knack for the whimsical. A former collegiate football star at Florida State University (two-time Academic All-American), I spent nearly three decades as an NFL agent before stumbling through the brutal aftermath of my daughter’s death in search of healing and truth, open to exploring modalities that would have previously been taboo. For the last decade or so, I have enjoyed traversing what he calls the “Robinson Crusoe beaches of the Caribbean” in Costa Rica.

Before you continue, I want to be clear.

This book has a provocative title. A VERY provocative title!
A title that mirrors EXACTLY how I felt as I stood in my yard after my daughter died, staring up into the sky, glaring into the heavens.
It is about honesty, not shock value.

Judge it if you must, but perhaps you’ll have the courage to dig a bit deeper.
If not, fine; I get it. I truly do.
But you’ll never know unless you do…

REVEAL THE TITLE
Yellow sunflower from the cover of Phil Williams' memoir on losing a child and what came after
Yellow sunflower from the cover of Phil Williams' memoir on losing a child and what came after 
For Hannah — who never truly left.