HOW COULD HE???
a memoirHow could “God” allow such a thing?
How could he turn his back on “God”??
How could he heal???
After His Daughter Died
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Phil Williams spends his life chasing something he cannot name.
Shaped by insecurity and competition, he learns early to perform, achieve, and succeed. Football gives him identity. Becoming an NFL agent gives him status. Still, the ache remains.
Then he becomes a father.
Hannah, his firstborn, changes everything. Her presence brings a love that feels steady and unconditional, the kind that finally quiets the noise. Life fills with family, work, and meaning.
For the first time, it feels whole.
Until the phone call comes…
Hannah is dying.
What follows is a descent into grief so consuming it dismantles every belief Phil has ever held. He fights for her life, prays for a miracle, and holds her as she slips away. Her death fractures his faith, strains his marriage, and erases the man he thought he was.
In the aftermath, survival comes in fragments. Unexpected signs. Quiet moments of grace. Books that arrive at the right time. A stranger’s touch. Breathwork that keeps him breathing. Travel that opens something new. Through counseling, spiritual exploration, and a reimagined relationship with “God”, Phil begins the slow work of rebuilding.
Guided by Hannah’s presence and transformed by loss, this memoir is a story of love that does not end, faith that breaks open, and what it means to live and love after the unthinkable.
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About the Book
His daughter died. He…died that day, too. And everything he had ever believed came into question.
Out of that wreckage came this memoir: a father limping straight into the gut-wrenching realm of losing a child, where grief and spirituality collide, until something gives.
Join Phil as he weaves heartwarming and intriguing stories from birth to fatherhood, often laced with wit and humor. Ever set a putt-putt course on fire as a kid? He did. How about hosting a keg party at your parents' house while they’re away (and his dad a local pastor, no less)? Yep, he did that, too. He later became maybe the smallest and slowest starting wide receiver in major college football history, and then an NFL agent, all before meeting his future wife by yelling across a steamy asphalt parking lot, "Hey, what's your name?"
But ordinary life ended years later when Phil learned that his beloved firstborn, Hannah, 26, was dying.
One hundred days of agony. A season. Long enough to hope.
Then she was gone.
Be prepared to smile and laugh and cry as you journey with Phil. But be forewarned: nothing will prepare you for the climax of this deeply emotional story of a father and his daughter and the deeper search for meaning and truth.
Grab the audiobook →
More Kind Words
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– Lisa Natoli, spiritual teacher
“The best book I have ever read on the process of grief. It is a story of life, death, healing, and the search for truth. It is simultaneously gut-wrenching and inspiring.”
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– Amanda Johnson, author
“A compelling memoir, full of insight, encouragement, and gems of wisdom. Williams strikes the perfect balance between depth and levity, navigating the complex human experience with equal parts humor and vulnerability.”
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– McShan Walker, entrepreneur
“I found myself listening to this book in my car, in my driveway, half an hour after getting home. I couldn’t leave it. Phil’s voice, reading his words, reliving his pain and desperate search for reason … the emotion is visual and contagious.”
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– Grace Watson, writer & editor
“When a naturally gripping storyteller has a story that’s worth telling, you get a book like this. The pages before you will make you laugh, cry, and smile throughout, and, by the end, you’ll feel like you have a new friend— one that you’re grateful to have met and learned so much from.”
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– Gil Wesley, spiritual director & former pastor
"Phil pulls no punches as he skillfully narrates this heart-rending story. Through this book, may you be blessed by Hannah’s ‘unseen angel’ sending ‘new gifts’ of hope, love, and transformation.”
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– Marla Grant, advanced grief recovery method™ specialist
“There’s a lot of redemption and healing written into this story of deep loss. After experiencing one of the deepest tragedies possible, Phil Williams uncovers a fundamental truth about grief, especially following the loss of a child: it burns to the ground everything you once thought important, but from the ashes, remarkable insights and gifts can emerge.”
MEET THE AUTHOR
Phil Williams is a storyteller, merging the worlds of “normal” life, grief, spirituality, sports and more—sometimes with a humorous touch and often with a knack for the whimsical. A former collegiate football star at Florida State University (two-time Academic All-American), he spent nearly three decades as an NFL agent before stumbling through the brutal aftermath of his daughter’s death in search of healing and truth, open to exploring modalities that would have previously been taboo. For the last decade or so, he has enjoyed traversing what he calls the “Robinson Crusoe beaches of the Caribbean” in Costa Rica.
AVAILABLE IN
PAPERBACK & AUDIOBOOOK
″I love this BIG, BEAUTIFUL, BRAVE book.‶ - Don Van Natta Jr., ESPN senior writer and NYT bestselling author
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″Beautiful but heartrending memoir of love, loss, and healing.‶ - booklife REVIEWS
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″I love this BIG, BEAUTIFUL, BRAVE book.‶ - Don Van Natta Jr., ESPN senior writer and NYT bestselling author ➢ ″Beautiful but heartrending memoir of love, loss, and healing.‶ - booklife REVIEWS ➢
″I love this BIG, BEAUTIFUL, BRAVE book.‶ - Don Van Natta Jr., ESPN senior writer and NYT bestselling author
➢
″I love this BIG, BEAUTIFUL, BRAVE book.‶ - Don Van Natta Jr., ESPN senior writer and NYT bestselling author ➢